cursed sleep

This a song by Bonnie Prince Billie, a folk singer who puts poetry to music.


I slept sweetly unpretending
that the night was always ending
she breathes lightly right next to me
and I dreamed of her inside of me

and in my dream she sang so sweetly
a melody I hope to sing
so enslaved by her sweet wonder
it cut my legs and ?? hunger

she sang my name and so engulfed
and I cried and felt my legs fail
in her arms I trembled electric
and she led me and she held me

then waking she was older still
and holds my love against it's will
in spell cast with her palms extended
cursed love is never ended

cursed eyes are never closing
cursed arms are never closing
cursed children never rising
cursed me never despising

oh I am loving always holding
epic song it tells of how
of she and I are living now

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Raggaedy Ann Doll

Say hello to me, your raggedy Ann doll
Im a doll that takes all the shit you have in store
Yes darling I take it all

We may have not met
But I know you’ll have fun with me
That is something that I can bet

You can twist my arm
Throw me around your room
Or fake me with your charm

What the hell do I know?
My head is hollow
No matter how much I hurt, to u is where I go

I am there for you to hit or hug
To love or hate
To help or bug
And when u get tired of playing with me
You can always stuff me under your bed
Pain is something I can’t see

Well I’ve got news for you now boy
I am not your raggedy ann doll no more
I refuse to be your toy

This doll has evolved into a woman
I rufuse to be torn and abused
I am no longer your fun

I’m leaving you behind
This china doll
doesn’t need your kind

So don’t even try to misuse
me or abuse me when u want
I am not something u can reuse

I won’t take it at all
Honey its time to say good bye
to your raggedy Ann Doll

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The ocean is a funny thing
calm if you don't touch it
silent, still, unmoving
yet it thrashes when stepped on
when traveled on to get to shore

Silent, still, calm, peaceful
It is big vast and beautiful
In the depths where Triton is said to reign
Lightning bolts to his disposal
he torments those who pass his territory
ready to sacrifice and unwilling to forget

Fierce and strong, ready to erupt
He stirs up the clouds paints them gray
Who is brave enough to

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My rant

So I decided to make this into a rant/poem page simply because its hard for me to generate words in fashion that can be put in a poem. I haven't left the apartment for a week, and haven't used my phone for close to a week now. Why you might ask... well because I left my charger in my boyfriend's car.

I've been really bad about loosing things. I've lost my wallet, keys (twice) my work key, and several things. For some reason its been really bad this year. I guess its because of the amount of stress I've been' going through. I seem to get distracted a lot, and I can't seem to focus on one thing.

I just dropped the education program and need to look for a back up plan. I'm out of a job and am having a hard time finding a job. My life seems to be falling apart, 23 and still not done with school... wow life does suck.

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It's hard being true
to your culture
when culture has been
replaced by a television set,
and family game night is replaced
with TV dinners and an episode
of "Family Feud."
Quality time is something of the past.
And the beagle whimpers
as we spend hours online
teaching our PC useless tricks.
Originality is still okay
But only if it's in fashion.
More is good
anything less
is worthless.
Good old American pies
are foreign.
They don't mean nothing
if it's not from
McDonald's.
War is our most practiced art.
And count on us
to butt in
where we're not needed.
Yes, the land of plenty -
We're a great big melting pot
stealing our identity
from other countries
Me? I am like no other
I am an individual
I am ...
an American.

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When clutching my head,
and dragging my knuckles
across the ceramic floor
wasn't enough to escape
your abuse,
I threw myself on concrete
and prayed I would drown
in blood.
Quiet and unnoticed
But even that didn't work.
My body was a painting
of your destructive results,
and my shame and pain
added the final touch.
Because then I was too weak
to spill myself to the ones I love.
Because then nothing else mattered
but you
but I
but us.
Now I no longer have the strength
to carry on your burden.
No longer will I risk
everything I have lost
all over again.
I grow sick
looking at these wounds
we have both given me.
And I cry every night
because four years with you
got me a contract with the devil.
I'll rip our hearts apart
and from the scattered pieces
I'll quickly pick up my remains

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Memories

Remember when we could do cartwheels
I'm sure you do
Remember when I couldn't keep my legs up straight
and flopped down instead
Stop that, don't laugh.

Remember when I hid in your closet
because I didn't want to go home
and remember when you took out your contacts
and told my sister you had a third eye

Remember when we played in the wet grass
and mom yelled at me for running barefoot on the streets
Remember when we caught lighting bugs
and suffocated them in empty peanut butter jars
We were too innocent to know that even bugs needed to breathe

Remember when we were in the same school
but not in the same classes
Remember when we you screamed at me
I never said I was sorry, not even to this day

Remember when you moved to the coast
and you left the memories of the midwest behind
Remember when we stopped talking
and one day I was unable to remember anything

Do you remember?

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Unemployed.

Unemployed from a paycheck
Still working to earn a living
but not earning enough to live
I've got hope buried somewhere in my heart
but not enough energy to move forward
Im praying I'll find something to keep me going
Until then I'll drink pop can after pop can
and sell them for few cents a piece.

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Disconnected

Disconnected from a world already disconnected

Angst from a generation forsaken by this administration

Broke from stress, dumped by promises

I suffer and I wait

I sit and sit to wait for something to happen

Jump up whenever temptation arises

But get pushed down.

Discouraged by life

Restless of seeing divas populate my screen

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I can't do this anymore

I think my writing has gone obsolete. Its so discouraging not being able to write. I have so much going on in my life that you would think I would be able to whip a poem out of my ass in just a few minutes. Hell, I was able to do that, but I can't. No combanation of words ever sound good when I type, when I write it in my journal, or when I blog it. I really want to start writing. I want my poetry buzz to come back. Thats all I want.

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