Trying to find religion/culture

"Mom, why do we have to worship a thousand gods?"
"Beta, we don't have that many gods, they are just deities of Bhagvan."
"oh"

This conversation was typical every Sunday, when my parents would force me to go to Swadhiya school. Swadhiya, is basically the Indian version of Sunday school. I hated going because it meant getting up early, sitting for an hour and reciting prayers and discussing the significance of those prayers. I spent my years in high school trying to avoid my culture and religion. While my mom was adamant about me not forgetting my roots, I was determined on becoming uprooted and becoming my own person, whoever that was. I didn't like Indian food, (probably because my mom cooked it everyday) and all I wanted was a good old fashioned hamburger. I disliked going to Indian social parties, and I couldn't sit through an hour of Sunday School.

Currently, I regret my avoidance of my culture. During my freshman year of college, I published a three page auto-biography narrative which was published in our university's English test. The essay outlined my struggle living as an Indian and American. In high school, I was trying to be "American" while my parents tried to instill "Indian" values. The essay then went on to explain how I arrived in college and how I did not know who I was. Am I Indian, or am I American? I gave the essay a happy ending: I found both cultures, and I learned to hold onto my culture AND be American.

Oh, how I wish that happened. Sadly, I feel even more distanced from my culture than ever. With stress from living on my own, my financial aid from college falling through, my difficulty in finding a job, no car, and no social life, I feel as if I need culture/religion more than ever in my life.

I feel as if I need to establish some sort of an identity, because without it, I don't see what my purpose is.

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Avoiding an unforgiving toothache.

I have a very bad tendency of avoiding health related issues, especially when it concerns me. I haven't been to a doctor in over a year, mainly because of no health insurance. I'm not attending school currently, so I am unable to get insurance from the university. While I could pay a pretty low fee for coverage, I'm already struggling just to juggle my payments with whatever little I have, all while looking for work.

Anyway, I've been avoiding getting my tooth checked until I can find a free clinic or something that can do a free check up. I could not find any free dental clinics in my town. With no car, it is sort of difficult to travel out of the city. (I've gotten where I needed to go by walking or taking university transportation)

So basically, I've been avoiding getting my tooth checked. I've been using extra products just to control the ache, but nothing seems to work. My boyfriend loves scaring me whenever I complain about it, but this time when he did, I knew he wasn't joking.

"You know if you don't get that checked, they're going to pull your teeth out."


So I guess, I have a question for readers, and it may be a stupid one: How can someone who has no health coverage (including dental) get a toothache checked out?

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A little help?

Well I'm getting quite bored of this blog layout, and if I change it, I'm afraid of I will loose all my widgets, gadgets and other 'ets. I would like a layout that expresses my personality, but I have no idea how to upload a template without loosing everything that I have.

Anyone know how I can do this, I would be really grateful!

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